In my work through the years in both business and ministry, I’ve gotten to KNOW many successful business owners.
I don’t mean we just say hello at parties or send each other cheesy greeting cards at Christmas.
I don’t mean we just have similar interests or do fun things together from time to time.
• I mean I’ve gotten to know them so well that they’ve confided in me.
• They’ve told me their secrets and struggles, their pains and their plans.
• They’ve told me how things are REALLY going at home…
And as I’ve heard many of the stories successful people don’t tell anyone else, I’ve seen the end result of how most of these stories play out, especially when it comes to marriage and divorce.
Do you know what I’ve noticed in all these years of working with people going in to or coming out of divorce?
There’s a common thread, and it’s not what you might think.
• It’s not that one partner slept with their secretary or the other had an affair with a neighbor.
• It’s not financial troubles (like in the majority of divorce cases).
• It’s not even a lack of quality time spent together (“You’re not married to ME, you’re married to your WORK!” <throws glass at head>)
It’s something most people would never expect.
…
A lack of shared vision.
Think about it: Divorce ultimately occurs because of deep and “insurmountable” DIVISIONS in the relationship. (That is in quotes because I don’t think ANY relationship issue is insurmountable with the right attitude, skills, and habits, but that’s a post for another day.)
And where does division come from? It comes from people having different “visions” for where they want to go.
Without a sense of shared PURPOSE, you and your spouse are almost guaranteed to end up going in two different directions.
You’re making money and building your company…but why?
Sure you say you’re “doing it for the family,” but all that money is doing is providing an exchange of resources, payback for the time and attention you withheld from the relationship.
She or he is doing things at home or in the neighborhood…but why?
Sure they may be improving the house or doing nice things in the community, but what does that accomplish for your relationship together?
BUT… imagine this instead.
Imagine your business had a bigger purpose, and your family did, too.
Imagine you were still traveling on different paths but they were headed up the same mountain, to the same peak.
Would that be totally different! Of course it would! You see…
• Affairs are just a SYMPTOM of relationships that were already divided.
• Money fights are just an OUTCOME of a lack of shared priorities.
• Lack of time together is only a BIG problem if people don’t agree on WHY it’s happening.
…
So, how do we fix it?
What can we do to STOP the division that is the root cause of divorce and START a better trajectory for our relationship?
Simple: commit to a SHARED vision for our family and our work.
When we’re able to agree on WHY we’re building the company and making the money and upgrading the house and getting involved in the community, everything changes!
There’s a feeling of unity and synergy that comes into play when people are committed to a common purpose.
There’s a greater sense of understanding when sacrifices have to be made, because “we’re all in this together.”
And when people are pursuing a shared vision, they don’t drift farther apart.
They grow closer together.
So, if you want to win at work without losing your marriage, find and commit to a shared vision for your family and your business.
Work together to find something that matters to you both. Then, craft language that captures WHY you’re building your business and your family, WHERE you want to go together, and HOW you want to get there.
When you do, I believe you’ll not only be making an investment in your relationship.
You’ll also be taking concrete steps to build your life on the Pillars of True Success.
–Phillip
(By the way, just because something is SIMPLE doesn’t mean it’s EASY. If this sort of thing isn’t your forte, don’t be afraid to reach out. I’d be happy to help!)
