I saw a Facebook post the other day from a man who came to this conclusion about his wife’s role in their sex life (paraphrased for clarity): “She’s here to meet my needs, and if she doesn’t, I’ll meet them myself.”
When I read that person’s post and the way he had objectified his wife, the first thing I thought was, “NOT COOL, man!”
But the second thing that came to mind was pity…for both his wife AND him.
You see, for a person to overlay that view of sexuality on their relationship is not only crass and selfish, it’s also really sad.
Here’s why.
Nearly all the major traditions of thought in psychology, philosophy and religion have at least one thing in common: they understand human beings are MORE than the sum of our parts. We are MORE than the hungers of our bodies.
We have minds.
We have emotions.
We have souls.
This is why when we choose to dig deep, we instinctively understand that beyond simple enjoyment (whether sexual pleasure or just good company), what we really desire most from other people is CONNECTION, the feeling that we’re not truly alone, and SIGNIFICANCE, the feeling that we matter to someone.
That’s why I believe healthy sex is about MORE than just fulfilling immediate desires: it’s about pursuing human connection.
So, what does that have to do with sales?
If you really break it down, selling is simply sharing with someone that you have a way to meet their need.
It’s about demonstrating that your solution matches their problem, and then agreeing on a proper exchange that adds value to everyone involved.
Skilled salespeople are able to convince others that whatever solution they’re offering is a “great value” for the price they’re charging, and so the exchange is made, the sale is done, and both parties (hopefully) walk away happy.
The end.
…
But what if that wasn’t supposed to be the end?
What if there was a way to sell that didn’t just meed the immediate needs of the moment, but accomplished something bigger, something more?
The greatest salespeople in the world know that there IS a way to do this, and they know how to do it.
They know that the goal isn’t just to win a short-term sale, but to woo a long-term customer.
They know that just like healthy sex, healthy SALES is also about more than just fulfilling immediate desires.
Healthy sales is about pursuing human connection, too.
That’s why if your only goal in a sale is to fulfill the immediate desires of your prospect, you may win the sale but you won’t win the person.
People KNOW when they’re being used.
But people also KNOW when they’re being honored, cared for and respected.
And they respond well.
So, the next time you have an opportunity to sell, ask yourself this question: “Is my greatest goal here to meet a NEED, or create a CONNECTION?”
If you choose connection, I believe wholeheartedly that whether or not you make the sale, you’ll WIN every time.
–pg
(p.s. If you could benefit from some tips on HOW to apply this connection-first approach, I have a free guide called “4 Keys to Human-Level Sales.” If you want it, just comment “Yes, please!” below and I’ll be happy to send it your way.)
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Photo by Cassidy Kelley on Unsplash
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