Do you want to feel successful every day? Well… this is part 3 of how to NEVER feel that way, but if you’ve read the other two parts, you do NOT want to miss this one because it’s the lynchpin of the whole thing.
(By the way, you DID pick up on the whole “reverse psychology” thing, right? Wow, I hope so…)
Now, if you haven’t read the first two Ways, go check them out. BUT, if you have, then without further ado, here is the third Way to **guarantee** you NEVER feel successful.
WAY 3: Make sure your goals are either A) not clearly defined, or B) only and all about you.
I saved this one for last because “A” is so obvious (though still SO frequently missed) and “B” is NOT obvious at first but makes total sense once you “get it.”
First, since the literal definition of succeeding is “to attain a desired object or end,” if you want to NEVER feel successful, all you have to do is NOT clearly define your goal.
This is basic, right? If you want to feel like a winner, you have to know WHAT game you are playing, HOW you are keeping score, and WHEN the game is supposed to end. Without those elements clearly defined, you can’t actually win.
One of the quickest ways to fix this, of course, is to simply set some clear goals with clear measurements. For instance, $10k months, $20k months, six-figure years, months, or days are all fine goals to have and to hit.
(By the way, for an EXCELLENT in-depth look at goal-setting and execution, check out “The 4 Disciplines of Execution” by McChesney, Covey & Huling…or just ask me about it.)
BUT, when can you truly sit back and say, “I’ve MADE it,” without quickly noticing that someone else has “made it” a little bit more?
This is why “MORE” is not a goal you can ever FULLY feel good about, and why financial targets are usually never enough to truly satisfy you. (This is also related to “The Hustle Trap” I mentioned in Part 1, but I digress…)
That brings us to “B,” make sure your goals are only and all about you.
Let me explain…
Imagine your life is a hot coal, burning with the fire of your ambition and glowing with the heat of your achievements.
Consider this: a single coal smoldering by itself isn’t much use to anyone or anything, is it?
No matter how hot or bright the coal gets, if all it’s doing is burning for its own sake, it is MISSING OUT on the very purpose for which it was created: to accomplish something IN and FOR the world around it.
Not only that, but the coal will burn out much faster because it has no feedback from other coals around it to keep it going.
Now consider this: a coal among other coals, all united in a common purpose, is not only more SUSTAINABLE because it is both giving and receiving heat from those around it, but it’s also more SUCCESSFUL as a coal because it’s actually accomplishing something useful in the world around it.
The same is true for you and me.
Most high achievers know the power of the right environment for growth, and they would look at the coal analogy as a reminder that we need other like-minded people around us to spur us on to greater things.
This is absolutely true! However, what many people miss is the vital importance of also having the right PURPOSE for growth.
Whether or not our goals really ARE “greater things” greatly depends on how much good they are doing for others, not just for ourselves.
Put more succinctly, “ME” is not a goal that can ever FULLY satisfy. (Oooh…that’s tweetable! @phillipgonzales)
It’s great that you’re winning, selling, earning, growing and achieving things, but ask yourself this question: “What does it matter in the end?”
If you want to **guarantee** you NEVER feel successful, make sure your goals are only and all about you, and you’ll be well on your way.
–pg
(One more thing… if you’ve read this series and decided you DON’T want to fall into the traps I’ve mentioned here, I’m finishing up a free training that unpacks these issues more fully so you can learn how to FIX them. If you’d like an invitation once I launch it, comment “SEND IT” below and I’ll get one out to you. Here’s to your True Success! –Phillip)
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Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash
