There is no greater comfort than that which comes when I stop trying to find out who I am and start seeking who He is. It is the giving up of the search for myself that gives me the freedom to truly seek Jesus, to really follow and focus on God Himself.
I can get so worked up over the unanswered questions of my life, the missing pieces and loose ends, that I lose sight of the hope that I have been given. What is this hope? It is the assurance that My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory. It is the hope that comes from the certainty of knowing that as sure as morning always dawns after even the longest night, Jesus Christ and His word are steadfast, and so also, His promises and love for me are unchanging.
Seeking my own way, my own answers, brings me down because it will always be a losing battle. I lose because I am neither capable nor qualified to make things make sense in the world around me. I try to define and discover my identity, but that only leads me to despair, because all the things of this world that I try to tie my identity to are as fleeting as the tufts of a dandelion in a summer breeze. They look so poised and lovely, but in a moments time they vanish, and all the hopes I had tied to them simply disappear as well.
But oh the joy that comes in the pursuit of the person of Christ! When I refocus my efforts away from seeking who I am, and concentrate instead on who He is, there is a freedom and peace unsurpassed by any other pursuit. Again, He is unchanging, so all those hopes and dreams of mine that I turn over to and rest in Him are now secure: hidden and safe in the cleft of the rock.
Even better when I seek the person and presence of Christ, placing my passions and hopes in His very nature, that nature begins to be place in me, so that a glorious transfusion takes place. My concerns and questions begin to be overshadowed by the consuming power of His nature, as this vibrant life grows within me and replaces what had previously been the definer of my life my search for me.
This is peace and comfort then, not the answering of all my questions and the stilling of all my worries, but the replacement of them with the calm stillness that is His very life in me. The restless waves of my hearts cries give way to the steadfast ground of the solid rock, and in the beautiful strangeness of it all, my seeking of Him actually results after all, in the finding of me but not the selfish me tied to a changing world. This is the me that is defined by the Personhood of Christ within me, safe in the shadow of the Almighty and kept in the shelter of His hand.
I wish I could say this was me all the time, or even most of the time, but its not. I do pray though, that we all may ask for and receive the strength to press in to Him and seek that life so beautifully promised in the Word, and that we may have a vision of hope that will lead us to forget the search for ourselves, and begin the search for our God.
